Thursday, September 21, 2006

Brought to you by the letter "R"

After reading some of the most ridiculous comments I've ever read over at some of my fellow bloggers that were left by some of the most clueless left wing libbers this country has to offer, I decided to break it down to their level...

It appears that after countless attempts of trying to educate and slap these moonbats into reality that this is a religious war, and it is definately a war of good vs. evil, they still don't get it.

Since this an obvious case of A.A.D.D. they seem to me to be very "special."

...Lets break it down to where they MIGHT understand it a little better.

See M-U-S-L-I-M-S pray, See M-U-S-L-I-M-S hate, See M-U-S-L-I-M-S kill, See M-U-S-L-I-M-S lie, See M-U-S-L-I-M-S fight, See M-U-S-L-I-M-S meet Allah...

How to Incite Muslims to Violence:
1.Make an oblique reference to a 14th century discussion about Muslims and violence.
2.Befriend a Muslim girl.
3.Draw a cartoon suggesting Muslims have a tendency toward violence.
4.Write a novel.
5.Hand out candy to Muslim children.
6.Make a Documentary about Muslim violence.
7.Publish a phony story about flushing the Koran down a toilet.
8.Or, just wait for Ramadan to come around.

Any Questions?

That concludes today's lesson and don't forget to do your homework.

Friday, September 15, 2006


1. An armed person is a citizen. An unarmed person is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt---- The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils must cause misspelled words.
7.' Free' people do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the 'gun control laws' we have, don't make more.
24 When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "..A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Evolution of Math

You may not be a "math person" like I am, but read this through to the end. It is interesting and pretty accurate...

Last week I purchased a value meal at McDonald's for $3.58. The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She just stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While she tried to explain the transaction to her, she started to cry.

Why am I telling you this?

Because of the evolution in the teaching of math since the 1950's:

Teaching Math in 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. Whis is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math in 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math in 2000 (NCLB)

A corporate logger desroys the woodlands to make a profit. Define the cost and profit of his company if you double the destroyed woodland area. Define the cost and profit of his company if you tripled the destroyed woodland area. Mark the appropriate desecrated animal habitats and create a more efficient woodland area. (If you answer this question wrong the Federal Government will come in and your teachers will all be fired and your school shut down, while the school buses you to another school 200 miles away that you will hate even more than you hate this school.)

Teaching Math in 2010

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera por $100. El cuesto de la produccion es $80. Cuantas tortillas se puede comprar?

Friday, September 01, 2006

Wanna date my daughter heh?

This is a special post for a particular teenage daughter of mine who is growing up to dang fast. A birthday is just around the corner and I believe I heard something that rhymed with 'DATE' come out of her mouth just the other day. Well, because I'm such a loving and understanding father I say sure sweet heart, and after you read this I expect a BIG hug and kiss for the compassion I am about to show. Make sure you give him the URL because I WILL ask!

"Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine."

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Football games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a sand dune in a Middle Eastern Desert. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

With that being said sweetie, please copy the application below and have the young man in question fill it out and return it to me promptly...


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name:___________________________ Date of Birth:______________________ Height:____________ Weight:____________ I.Q.___________ GPA:_________ Social Security Number:___________________ Driver's License #:____________ Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________ Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________ State:____________________________ Zip Code:_______________________ How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________ 2 miles?___________________ Do you own a (A)Van?____ (B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ (C)Waterbed?_____ Do you have an earing, nose ring or belly button ring?__________ Tatoo?_________ NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the application process and leave the premises! In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________________ _______________________________ In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _________________________________________________________ In 50 words
or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ___________________________________________________Church you Attend:___________________ How often do you attend?_________When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________ Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone, ever) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is___________________________. A Women's place is in the _________________________. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________. In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted. My greatest fear is__________________________________________. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her___________________. NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B", discontinue the application process and leave the premises. Keep your head low; running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________ Have you ever been fingerprinted?______ Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_______ Your dentist is____________ Emergency phone #____________.


Signature________________________ Thank you for your interest. Please allow 5-7 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. (It could cause disqualification and injury to your body.)